"The Lord is Near to the Broken Hearted" ❤️ For Those Experiencing Loss. 🙏
The very first time I experienced grief over the passing of a loved one was in the early 1990s, when my dear Aunt Audrey passed away. She was like a grandmother to me growing up. She was the neighbour across the street, who gave me the vintage heart-shaped music box that I mentioned in one of my other posts. Both of my biological grandmothers lived in Manitoba, so I really didn't get to know them as much. But I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Audrey, and her sweet little beagle dog, Jake.
My Aunt Audrey loved animals, as much as I do. We used to take Jake for walks, and there was also one time when her cousin came over with a litter of kittens. She invited my family over to see them, and I instantly bonded with a cute little kitten with black, orange, and white markings on its face. I named it Patches. And it was the first kitten that I ever had a chance to hold. Of course I wanted to adopt her, take her home with me. But my parents didn't allow me to have a pet when I was a child. Even though I always wanted one.
As time moved on, I became a teenager, and we moved into this bungalow house, that I now currently reside in with my elderly parents. I remember the day when I attended the wake of my Aunt Audrey, and seeing her body lying there all lifeless and inanimate really affected me emotionally. I just couldn't hold back my tears. Especially when her cousin said that she loved me and my sister as though we were her own grandchildren. She never married, and didn't have any children of her own. But she became part of our family. And I will never forget the large influence that she had on my life.
Later on I moved out when I was 19. And I adopted an orange kitty named Marmalade. I loved this cat very much, and he was like a son to me. He had a silly personality, but was also very affectionate and sensitive. There were times when I was crying, and he would look at me with eyes of love, and lick the tears off of my cheeks. When I moved back home after breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, I took Marmalade with me. My parents were hesitant to take him in at first. But they eventually bonded with him too. And he brought a lot of joy to the family when he was with us.
In 2003, I moved to Winnipeg to start a new journey in life. I was staying with my Uncle Tony during that time, working and going to school. Studying to become a teacher. So I left Marmalade in the care of my parents. My mom got very attached to him. So I had a feeling that he would be needed here, to offer some companionship for my mom.
In 2012, Marmalade passed away from cancer. He had it in his eye, and then it spread throughout the rest of his body. My parents did everything they could to save his life, even removing one of his eyes. But nothing seemed to help him escape the inevitable. Eventually, they had to make that decision that nobody ever wants to make.
A Dream: Right before I even knew that this was going to happen, I received a dream where I saw the counter of my uncle's kitchen. The one where the black phone was being kept. It seemed so real, and at first I thought that I'd see my new cat, Pepper, jump up on the counter. But I saw Marmalade instead. His appearance was completely altered though. His orange fur was glowing with the glory of heaven, and his eye was completely restored. The cancer was completely gone from his body. Then I woke up from the dream. Wondering what it all could mean. Then two days later, my mom called and told me that they had made the decision to let his spirit go free. Of course I was very sad and devastated to lose him. But maybe because I wasn't there to witness his final days and moments, it didn't hit me as hard as the next loss that I will share here.
She was such a gentle and lovable cat. Very quiet, and brought a lot of joy, peace, and comfort my life. She was my best friend. And losing her has been especially difficult and traumatic. I still remember the last few moments of her life. Sometimes I blame myself for what happened to her. We shared a good life, but I still don't like how her life ended so tragically.
I ended up moving back to Thunder Bay in 2022, due to not being able to find a teaching job after graduation. The covid pandemic also happened, and threw a wrench into all of my plans. And my uncle decided to sell the house that we were staying in, in order to move into a senior's apartment. The house was the same house that he bought for my grandmother when she was still alive. But events took a turn for the worst, and I had no choice but to move back here.
I took Pepper with me when I moved back to Thunder Bay. At first my parents didn't want me to take her with me, but I couldn't bear the thought of giving her away or surrendering her to the humane society. Especially after everything that she and I have gone through over the years. So eventually they agreed to allow me to keep her with me. Even though they didn't approve of it at first.
In 2024, Pepper was showing signs of chronic kidney failure. I spent a lot of time with her during her last days. We ate our breakfasts outside, and I spent a lot of time with her outside in the garden. I prayed over her, asking Jesus to heal her. Took her to get lab work done at the vets, and tried to nurse her back to health with the medicines that the virtual vet prescribed for her. But nothing seemed to help. She wasn't eating very much, so I knew that she would be leaving this world soon. Just not in the way that I had hoped.
The virtual vet prescribed a medication that ended up giving her a seizure. None of the vet clinics here would see her, even during an emergency. And the next day was very heartbreaking to endure. I woke up very early in the morning, and went downstairs to check on her and saw my baby lying there all weak and helpless on the basement floor. I still have flashbacks of that experience to this very day. Though it has gotten better over time. I knew that I had to no choice, but to take her to the vet to make the final arrangements. Pepper passed away on July 29, 2024. And I'm still grieving over this loss to this very day.
Signs that Angels are Near: Right after I lost her, I was completely devastated and inconsolable. I was washing out some of Pepper's things outside, and I saw a cute little white butterfly appear from around the corner of the house. 🦋✨💕 It started to follow me around the yard, just like how Pepper also used to follow me everywhere I went. I believe it was a sign from God, letting me know that Pepper is now safe with Him. That she is okay. God is taking good care of her. And one day very soon I will see her again in Heaven and on the New Earth.
"Now you have sorrow. But I will see you again and your heart will rejoice. And your joy no one will take from you." (John 16:22)
After I lost Pepper, I was seeking out emotional support. I wasn't really getting any support at all from my family. They just don't understand how deep and difficult losing a beloved pet can be. It feels like losing a child. That is the only way that I can explain it.
So the Lord led me to an online pet loss support group called, "Rainbow Bridge." It really was a blessing to me at that time, and I met some really kind and caring godly friends through this community too. People who have also gone through the loss of a beloved pet. And they were able to empathize, and understood what I was going through. They offered helpful advise on how they were able to navigate through the grieving process themselves. And I still talk to some of these dear friends who I've met there. We have bonded through our shared experiences and stories.
Even though the people around us might not understand what we are going through. God sees your pain, collects your tears, and knows your struggles. He is always with you through it all, and He hasn't left your side. 💖
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
When I was still in the early stages of my grief, there were a few songs that came to my mind that I will share below. Perhaps they might also help give some comfort to others. 💖
Lyrics: "You'll Be in My Heart," by Phil Collins 🎶🕊️🔥💖
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